How to Act Like a Lady in 2016

I put this image here to repel any misogynists that may mistakenly stumble upon this entry. I’m calling it a “scare-douche.”

We like to think we’ve come so far with respect to women’s rights and while I admit there has been a great deal of progress, there are still some things that I feel should no longer be things in 2016. Society still seems to have an unwritten code of conduct for women and this code holds us to a very different standard from our male counterparts.

Rule #1: Never stand up for yourself or anything you believe in.

Women who stand up for themselves and are vocal about it are immediately labeled as a “bitch” or “volatile” or “difficult.” Talk to any woman and chances are she’ll tell you that she’s experienced this. I have enough firsthand knowledge to teach a Master’s program in it. Meanwhile, men who don’t stand up for themselves are labeled as a part of the female anatomy that Donald Trump seems to think you can grab.

Rule #2: Never show anger or frustration.

Don’t. Just don’t. Everyone will assume that you’re on your period or “not getting any,” even other women. Meanwhile men can be as angry and frustrated as they please. This is nuts. If every woman who’s ever been angry or frustrated felt that way because she was on her period then women have been on their periods non-stop since the DAWN OF FREAKIN’ TIME! If that were true the feminine hygiene product industry would be booming and we’d have no national debt. If every woman who’s ever been angry or frustrated felt that way because she was “not getting any,” humanity would’ve died out by now. Maybe that woman isn’t on her period or sexually frustrated. Maybe she’s angry and frustrated because you’re an ass! If you say stuff like this, grow up.

Rule #3: Never go jogging alone at night or in broad daylight, never go to a party, never go to a bar, never go out on a date, never have any alcoholic beverages of any kind, never wear a skirt, never wear pants, never go to sleep in your own home, never go out to the store during the day or at night…screw it. Basically never leave your house if you don’t want to risk being attacked or raped.

From the time I was twelve, I was conditioned to always be aware of my surroundings and always be ready to defend myself because there are people out there who want to try to make me into a victim for no other reason than the fact that I was born female. That’s a pretty young age to have your whole childhood just end for you, isn’t it? As teenagers women deal with men old enough to be our fathers objectifying us before we’re even fully aware of what that means. We’re conditioned to cater to and coddle the male ego because God forbid the guy we’re turning down for a date or a drink just snaps when we tell him we’re not interested. We can’t even walk down the street minding our own business without constantly looking over our shoulders. Even falling asleep in your own home is dangerous. A woman in NJ went to sleep in her home and woke up to find a man raping her. She reported it and cooperated with police only to have a judge tell her she wasn’t raped because she wasn’t awake to say no. We can’t even report a rape without having to answer a series of victim-shaming questions. “What were you wearing? How many drinks did you have? Were you intoxicated? Did you flirt with him?” Women and young girls get this mixed message that our bodies belong to us and no one is entitled to them without our consent and then we’re told in the same breath to be careful because if the wrong guy takes a liking to us we might just get raped. I have an idea! WHY DON’T WE TEACH MEN AND YOUNG BOYS TO KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS?!?!?!?!

Rule #4: Never be proud of your body, dress in a way that flatters you too much, or try to own your sexuality.

Women who do any of the above are immediately labeled “sluts” or if your prefer as a T.H.O.T. (That Hoe Over There). Men can wear and do whatever or whomever they please and people not only respect it, they also glorify it and high five them to congratulate them on their latest sexual conquest. Sex should not be about conquest. Ladies and gentlemen we’re not at war. Treating sex as an act of conquest is too close to treating sex as an act of violence. This mentality is why rape culture exists. Sex should be about mutual love and connection to another person. Despite the strides we’ve made women are still viewed as objects or prizes to be won. I’m sorry boys, but this isn’t a carnival game. If you have a conquest mentality, don’t step right up. Step right off.

There is undeniably room for growth here. First, ladies we need to build each other up. If you see someone standing up for herself, stand with her. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and for God’s sake stop calling other women sluts because you’re jealous that you don’t look as good as they do. If we don’t build each other up, we’re just getting in our own way and impeding our own progress.

Men, get it together. I know that there are good men out there. I’m personally acquainted with several. Guys, we know you care about us. This is your fight, too. If you hear one of your friends being a misogynist ass, tell him off. There are a great many things I’d like to say to misogynists, but they all end with “and the horse you rode in on” and it’s not like they’d listen anyway, so this is where I’ll jump off my soap box. Let’s do better, people.


Why Breed Specific Legislation Fails

Many thanks to my friends who provided pictures of their pit bull type dogs!

The city of Montreal instituted a ban on pit bulls that has been suspended…for now. The suspension is thanks in large part to the efforts of the Montreal SPCA and their attorneys bringing suit and citing a ban in Ontario as a landmark case. Breed Specific Legislation simply doesn’t work and there’s a really good reason for that: BSL punishes the wrong end of the leash.

Under the Montreal ban, this loving Plott hound could be mistaken for a pit bull and euthanized.

Under the terms of the ban should it be upheld, a “pit bull type dog” will be defined solely based on physical appearance. Provisions were made for formal DNA testing. I’ve pointed out in a previous entry that the term pit bull is not in any way scientific and refers to a DESIGNATION not a BREED. I’ll point out here that DNA testing for dogs is expensive and largely unreliable. A known wolf-dog hybrid came back as a Sharpei. On these grounds alone the ban makes no sense.

Under the Montreal ban, people will be allowed to keep their pit bulls, but they must be muzzled when off their own property and on a leash no more than 4 feet in length. It’s a known fact that dogs don’t like to be muzzled. To muzzle a dog that doesn’t need to be muzzled is just cruel. The ban also dictates that every pit bull in the ban area currently in a shelter will be put down. Yes, that’s correct. Thousands of healthy animals could be killed simply for being born. This is canine genocide.

Who could separate these two?

The people who have it worse under the Montreal ban would be the veterinarians. They’re governed by a code of ethics that prohibits them from putting down a healthy, social animal with a good quality of life. Under the ban, Montreal vets are within their rights to refuse to perform a euthanasia on a pit bull, but are responsible for finding another veterinarian who will. Basically they can either violate their code of ethics or violate their code of ethics.

Or this pair?

The intentions of the legislators who supported the Montreal ban had nothing to do with discrimination, ripping families apart, canine genocide, alienating the veterinary community, or wasting of public resources. I’m sure their intentions had everything to do with public safety. President Obama said it best “We don’t support breed-specific legislation — research shows that bans on certain types of dogs are largely ineffective and often a waste of public resources.”


BSL doesn’t target the right groups. To write effective policy that reduces dog attacks, the focus should be turned from dogs to humans who often through either lack of education or willful acts of abuse provoke these attacks. Policy should target backyard breeders, abusive owners, dog fighting operations, current pet owners, prospective pet owners, and law enforcement officers. Here are some proposals on how the law should be written:

“I’m a good dog, see?”

1. All breeders of dogs MUST be licensed. To obtain a license, you must submit pedigrees, veterinary records, and be subject to an initial inspection of your facilities and your animals as well as surprise inspections after the license is issued. A fee will be charged to pay for the enforcement of this policy. Anyone found to be breeding dogs or in possession of an intact male or female dog without a breeding license and cannot verify that an appointment for a spay or neuter has been made within 30 days will be fined, the animals will be seized, spayed/neutered at the offender’s expense, adopted out to an appropriately screened owner, and the offender will be banned from ever owning another dog.


“I’m also a good dog”

2. Animal cruelty will no longer be a misdemeanor. All charges of animal cruelty will be treated as FELONIES. Penalties for animal cruelty will be stiffer with more jail time. Changing the classification of animal cruelty and imposing harsher penalties will act as a greater deterrent. Any individual charged with animal cruelty will have all of their animals seized. Any veterinary care required will be provided at the offender’s expense, and the animals will be adopted out. Anyone convicted of animal cruelty will be banned from ever owning another animal.

3. A police task force will be created to combat the growing problem of dog fighting. Officers will be trained on proper ways to assess and evaluate canine behavior. Officers will also be trained on proper handling of dogs and be better equipped to assist rescuers and animal control officers during raids of dog fighting operations. This special training will also assist officers when they arrive at a home during the course of their duties to better handle canine residents and avoid the unnecessary killing of beloved family pets.

“Is that a ball?”
“I like bath time!”









“I love you, human.”

4. Educational programs and government-sponsored low-cost spay/neuter services will be provided to all pet owners. In order to receive a dog license, potential owners must prove that they are proficient in the proper care, handling, and training of their dogs. Revenue from dog licensing fees and fines collected for failure to properly license a dog will be used to cover the cost of this program. Low-cost spay/neuter options will be made available by offering economic incentives to veterinarians.


“That was a ball and now I’m sleepy.”


“I too love my human and her human pups.”





All of this makes sense, right? There’s a reason for that: All of the above proposals are aimed at humans because we are the real problem here. It is exceedingly rare for a dog to be born aggressive. If a dog is aggressive odds are it’s because a human made it that way. If you provide education to pet owners, law enforcement officers, and the general public you empower people to make the right decisions for themselves and their animals. Pit bulls are not maligned in society because of anything they’ve done. Dogs do what they’re taught to do by humans. We’re the reason these animals are suffering and it’s our responsibility to put an end to it. Breed specific legislation is not the way. Education and stronger enforcement is.